A faint ray of light was still burning in the bedroom that evening before the deafening ringing in her ears began. There was a pit of silence in the room except for the subtle breeze that came in through an open window. The white-laced drapes billowed ghostly, then returning to their original state. A dance to the song of crickets, a play illuminated by the moonlight. All a person needs for a good night’s sleep. All of this would turn out to be a delusion. It had now become a habit to turn on the light shortly before going to sleep, even if she could not get any sleep these days. A soft whisper broke the silence. “We are coming for you”.
The soft voices bounced off the walls and reverberated like a hollow echo in her head. Did she really hear this, or was it just a dream? Suddenly the voices erupted right in her ear; “We are coming for you!” This time significantly more intense, which caused her to wake up abruptly. The room felt different as if it was loaded with static energy. The ringing in her ears continued and disappeared in waves. Faint at first, like a slight hum in the distance, then welling up in a deafening and all encompassing sound.
When Jocelyn had a clear state of mind and really thought about it, she would always compare it to the sound of static on multiple televisions. Then she would imagine a room full of televisions stacked on top of each other, occupying the entire room up to the ceiling. With the light constantly shifting in a blur of black and white. Slowly her consciousness returned to her and she felt goosebumps on her skin. Not the kind of goosebumps you got when you were cold, but the kind that alerted you in dire situations. A bodily response letting you know that you were not alone and that in the worst care scenario you might just have to make a run for it. It was a stage between sleeping and waking. Yet her consciousness was always on edge so she could remember everything in detail afterward. It always started with the ringing.
Although sometimes she heard other sounds as well. Voices as it seemed. Voices on a strange and different frequency as if they were on a different channel. People talking over each other about everyday things that happened and sometimes she seemed to recognize some of these voices. Occasionally she would hear colleagues from her work in a buzz that was near inaudible, while other times she would hear her parents’ familiar voices clear as day. Only she always knew for certain that they were not really her parents. There was something wrong with the sound and intonation of those voices talking like they were unaware that they had Jocelyn’s full attention. As if she were an outsider walking by on the street catching glimpses of the conversation. But often the voices that were unknown to her were well aware that someone was listening and she was sure that this was exactly what they wanted.
Slowly the whispers swelled up until she caught a glimpse of the conversation. They were mocking voices with disgusting laughs, whose words had haunted her all along; “We are coming to get you”. The feeling of certain doom came over her that whoever hears these words or sees the ones who whisper them will find their end. But the question remained, how? She did not hear any voices this particular night though.
This time there were footsteps. It sounded as if someone was dragging something heavy up the stairs at a slow pace until the footsteps came to an abrupt halt outside the door. The known tingle of goosebumps started from the toes. The unpleasant feeling slowly crept up her legs and up her spine making the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end. The paralysis set in. Go away! She heard her own voice shouting loud inside her head. The danger was lurking and she was not safe now. The delusion of the serene room was gone and was replaced with darkness. There were distorted shadows on the walls that seemed to move. She could not save herself even if she wanted to. This time it was too late and there was nothing she could have done or changed about the situation or the order in which it happened. Not only were her muscles paralyzed her vocal cords stopped working as well. She could not utter a word or sound. There was no one to help and any attempt to scream for help had proved despondent. Her throat seemed to be closing anxiously. Much pain and effort were needed to take in even the smallest amount of air. The drops of sweat began to collect on her back before slowly trickling down her spine like little pearls. She broke out in a sweat of panic as one would say. She wanted most of all to postpone the inevitable, that moment when she had to open her eyes. She wanted to postpone what she would have to be forced to see. The images were always different and so was the sight of these “shadows”.
Every night was like a different play that unfolded right in front of her. Disfigured faces that she could never let go, limbs contorted in impossible directions. Hands closing around her throat while she had the feeling that something was sitting on her chest and was applying more and more pressure. A body crawling against hers under the covers. And when she woke up, she would discover that there was a small dent in the mattress in that specific spot. Still, she knew she could not avoid her own curiosity and that curiosity always trumped the fear she felt inside. Which later on she hated herself for. She cursed her own curiosity over and over again. But still, that did not stop her from opening her eyes, not even once. Her heart began to beat louder as she feared it would burst out of her chest. That idea alone was enough for outright panic. It is strange how much a person could think in moments of misery and fear. It was pure adrenaline with the same choice time after time again: To freeze or run away.
She could not utter a word, could not make a sound. There was no one to help and now that choice had already been made for her. Someone else had chosen for her. Her body had given up without a chance to fight or run to never look back. She had lost control over her own body. There was only one thing that somewhat worked; She could open or close her eyes. The fact that one day she would not wake up was something she was strangely sure of. A gut feeling she had deep down. The fear was irrepressible. She did what had to be done and opened her eyes, unsure, frightened. Her throat was being wrung like a wet towel as she started gasping for air. A shrill squeak escaped through her lungs over her pursed lips. A stiff, shivering stripe that seemed firmly glued. Tears streamed down her cheeks and got lost in her neck while she tasted the salt of them on her lips. She saw it happen in the reflection of the window opposite her bed. At first, she saw her own anxious silhouette clinging to the bed.
Then the door of the bedroom behind her slowly opened and the creaking sound of the hinges was almost deafening. As the door opened wide a stream of intense cold air suddenly blew in the room, and with it, the sudden stench of decomposition. The punched smell quickly filled the bedroom and the air seemed to feel denser and heavier while descending upon her. From the big and dark void in the doorway, she felt like she was being watched. Whatever was watching her from the darkness, watched her for a while before slowly a shadow started stretching across the oak floor. The shadow stretched further and further as it crept over the walls from the floor and took the form of a tall imposing figure. It seemed to continue moving through the walls, passing the mirror in which she could see the shape. Eventually, the shadow stopped behind the wall of her bed.
Then from the doorway, a creature swiftly followed. Five long bony fingers formed around the corner of the door which were not human in shape or size. With its remarkably long razor-sharp nails, it clung tightly to the door frame and left deep scratches in the wood. Those scratches would be immortalized there and no one would ever know who or rather what had inflicted them. The creature started to crawl towards her bed. The motor skills were incoherent and its body parts swayed and twisted. Hideous claws with which it dragged itself forward, that twisted thin body she heard crackling. And then suddenly it was gone as she just caught a glimpse of a foot disappearing under her bed. Something strange was happening this time.
Everything was different from the previous visits of the shadows that besieged her. There were always several shadows and while she had never seen this one before she knew exactly who he was and what he came for. The shadows had announced his coming in various warnings and dreams. He was the one who had sent “The others”. He was the one needing madness, suffering, and fear to show himself in flesh and blood. King and ruler of his own legion in the underworld. The collector of damned souls. His emissaries did all the dirty work for him. This creature had never been human, never walked the earth. Its presence was clearly felt under her bed. Irregular breathing as if it was a feint and it had never really learned to breathe before. Shortly after a deep unearthly growl followed likening it to a rabid beast with its jaws wide open and waiting to ambush its prey. She was that prey. Nails scraping the wooden slates of her antique bed. It took a morbid pleasure out of her fear and despair and fed on it. Quickly she closed her eyes again hoping to keep them closed until the first shimmers of daylight came through the curtains again. Then she could banish this event like all the other times to a place in her own head and lock it away forever. This was a place only she had access to, as nobody would ever believe her if she said this was more than just a nightmare.
Sleep paralysis as others would call it. But she knew better. This was an intruder. Something wicked. It seemed as if the agonizing minutes passed like hours. Very slowly the feeling of relief came back when after some time she heard or saw nothing. After all, was it all still just another dream? It was, she assured herself. Another hallucination created by her subconscious. She felt the gravity of fatigue pull at her eyelids and finally, she became very sleepy. With a deep sigh, she gave in to her tiredness.
Joycelyn had finally been able to calm herself down a bit. But as she wanted to close her eyes to rest she noticed something about the reflection in the window. The reflection suddenly seemed distorted. Everything had become blurry, images flowed into each other in a watery but gloomy color palette. As suddenly confusion gave way to understanding when she saw something move behind her in the image opposite of her. No! There it was again! The black mass behind her grew, stretched and she had that unmistakable feeling that someone or something was standing behind her. She lay there hopelessly with her back turned. The darkness seemed to contain a core of emptiness. It was a paragon of death and it had never left the room. God forbid if this is what awaited us after death. It was like the dark shadow you saw out of the corner of your eye when you were home alone at night. A dark image in the corner of your eyes, making you doubt whether you really saw something move. That which you later laughed off as paranoia or trickery of your eyes. But you still felt uneasy afterward.
The thing’s long arms hung limply at its sides, with those claws curling inward at the end. Waiting. The hissing started to increase to a deafening sound, but she heard nothing else. She felt threatened as if she was in mortal danger. This thing was not there to scare her but to hurt her. The panic increased and all she could do was cry and let another annoying squeak escape her lips. The squeak in her voice then mingled with loud sobbing noises. It was hopeless, this realization finally dawned on her. There was no choice but to surrender.
Desperately she tried with all her might to press her thumb against her palm. She truly felt that if she could achieve this she would soon enough be back to the reality of an empty bedroom. With a sigh of relief, she would talk herself into a delusion of safety as she had done many times before. It was exhausting. A battle she could never win and a never-ending war against fear itself. The creature then slowly began to bend over causing the ringing in her ears to swell to a sickening loud noise. That lugubrious dark face above hers as it was pulling her back to lay face up. Nostrils dilated as it sniffed her pheromones deeply and took in her fear. Quick and controlled it then moved to the foot of the bed only to stare at her for a while with those glowing yellow eyes that almost seemed reptilian. Vertical-shaped pupils, fearsome and predatorial, moved fleetingly back and forth. It bared its pointy teeth and smiled at her with a menacing and sickening grin. Slowly it sank to its knees assuming a stooped position from the edge of the bed, the only thing visible were those yellow eyes that seemed to glow in the darkness.
Never could she lose sight of those eyes. She felt movement in her sheets and then saw the creature’s claws disappearing under the blankets. Razor-sharp nails worked their way up her legs, leaving deep burning scratches on her sensitive skin. It felt like she was being gutted. The pain was unbearable. The bump under the bed sheet grew larger and larger as its head and body soon disappeared under the blankets as well. The weight of its dead body on top of her was immense. Slowly the face that was still underneath the blankets started appearing right in front of her face. It was so close they almost touched. Jocelyn was truly horrified by this torment. The blanket slowly began to glide to the foot of the bed as if some unseen force wanted to pull it away to reveal this creature in all its glory. For a moment they were staring deep into each other’s eyes, its grin still hadn’t disappeared, and it became even worse. It moved on top of her chest, closed its long bony fingers around her throat, and began to apply pressure. Its sharp claws pierced her skin. A truly hellish feeling.
Suddenly she heard a loud banging around her. There was knocking on the walls, doors, and windows. As if an angry mob was trying to force their way in to enjoy the scene that was unfolding. Dazed, her eyes searched the room in desperation for the origins of the sounds around her. All the while the pressure around her throat increased. Its grip tightened. With all her might she tried to scream one last time but nothing came, just the sound of gargling. The figure was aware of her desperate attempts, she was helpless and it visibly enjoyed this sight. As if it only wanted to torture her more by first instilling more fear into her before confronting her with her fate. All the blood in her body seemed to rise to her head. She heard the pounding of her heart in her head, but with every second it seemed to fade more and more. So that is what it feels like to suffocate while death keeps smiling back at you. The air had left her body and had no intention of returning. Her eyes bulged and her head felt increasingly heavy. Fragments of her life flashed before her eyes like a slide show presentation. The hands of the clock seemed to slow down while the ticking of the clock kept getting louder.
Tik…. Tik….. Tik.
Her field of vision blurred and she became light-headed. Stars and flashes of light danced before her eyes like a sky lit up by a heavy lightning storm. Her eyes rolled back into their sockets leaving only the bloodshot whites of her eyes dotted with a network of red veins. The panic slowly ebbed into acceptance and embrace of the unavoidable. Finally, complete darkness. There was no heartbeat anymore and the final gust of air left her body for good. She seemed to float in a lonely void. Consciousness, however, was an extraordinary aspect that remained intact for a while. Perhaps it was the soul that left the body and sought another home. A new purpose. Somewhere in the distance, the familiar voices loomed up again as if they were on a different frequency and they became louder and louder. Mocking, they came closer and closer from the darkest reaches. There they had been waiting for her all this time for a close hug. They were the dark emissaries.
Was this that place between two worlds that you heard other people talk about? Where souls with unfinished business linger. A kind of limbo? A cold, dark, and lonely place where any human being would go insane, a place even void of color. Fog swirled all around her. She gently touched the ground with her fingers and felt the touch of churned clammy earth accompanied by a musty smell. It was an overwhelming emptiness, there was nothing but at the same time, everyone was there. Time was an afterthought, an unclear concept. Suddenly a crowd gathered around her, with them, loud voices that suddenly were followed by a long eerie silence. She was boxed in and all eyes were on her. It felt like there were hundreds of them, maybe even thousands. They lit up in a white haze with sinister smiles underneath. Jocelyn was terrified, she felt she was in the midst of an important deed that was about to be completed. Jocelyn knew it was over so she surrendered to it and closed her eyes. She had no choice.
Suddenly a source of light loomed from afar between the dense fog. This contrast was so bright that her eyes had to get used to the light at first. Small at first, like a whirling firefly, it seemed to get closer and closer. The light stretched out into a large square its reflection visible on the marshy ground. Fearful and insecure she forced herself to step through it anyway. Once through the bright glare of the light, it did not immediately dawn on her where she was and what scene was playing out before her eyes.
Eventually, the realization set in when she looked around and saw the shadows she knew all too well standing beside her on either side. All facing the center and their heads bowed they stood in a circle around a bed. She felt connected to these shadows, a different and unsettling but deep connection. It dawned on her that she was in someone else’s room. A lit table lamp on one of the bedside tables, just as she had in her room every night. A light to create a false sense of security to banish the eerie darkness. Slowly she joined the shadows around the bed. There she saw an unknown young man lying stiff. In another world in another time, she would have gazed at his features admirably. Even marveled at his attractiveness.
However, the boy lay there in a paralyzed and feeble position as she had lain in so often on those well-known nights. There was a muffled cry from deep down his throat as his hands clung anxiously to the comforter that crumpled around him, drenched in sweat. His reddish teary eyes were looking around at all the shadows, then terror set in as the boy locked eyes with Jocelyn. This brought a wonderful and nearly euphoric feeling to her. Her voice drowned out all the other voices and with a smile from ear to ear she whispered; “We are coming for you”.